Thursday, December 11, 2014

No more Decisions

The Dr.s have made the decisions for me.  I was leaning toward not doing anything.  They lean toward radiation.  NOW! 

Good news.  I will be done before February 11. 

Bad news. Side effects...if they happen.  Hopefully with my sunny disposition, those side effects will not impact me.

I continue to be optimistic and look forward to February 11 when all this will be done and I will be in Hawaii.  :)

Then it will be a busy, busy, trial season for me.  Catching up on lost trials and qualifications.  Looking forward to perhaps getting Olive started in April!  Whoo Hoo!

Today I am grateful that I stuck to my healthy eating all week.  I am grateful that I have friends who helped remind me that I must get my walking in.  I am really thankful that the scale reflects the hard work I put in.  Next year... it is going to be a good one!

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Decisions, decisions, decisions.....

 I am fraught with indecision.  To get more treatment or to not get more treatment.
All options have consequences.  Doing nothing, surgery, radiation.  Surgery sucks.  Radiation really sucks.  Doing nothing is scary.
Meanwhile I have life.  It does go on.  Have a trip I have planned for February.  I have trials that I want to attend.  Trying to fit radiation into my schedule is seriously inconvenient.  Do I go ahead and do it now and risk suffering from side effects while I'm on vacation.  Do I forgo the radiation completely?  Do I wait and do it after vacation and risk missing dog agility trials?
I have trialed ONE day since cynosports.  ONE DAY!!!  Yes I got a steeplechase Q because Fin is awesome, but I need a ton of Q's for Nationals and feel like I'm running out of time.
In the meantime, I am eating healthy.  Walking daily.  Letting time go by. 
Yesterday.  Today. A bit of a funk.  I'll get out of it.  Nothing to be done until December 17 when my Doctor comes back.  Doing nothing.  I can do that.

Sunday, December 7, 2014

Things have changed...yet they remain the same.

Damn Cancer

I feel normal most of the time.  Just a regular Joe.  It is easy to not think about...just like with any problem.  Dust Bunnies?  Nope I don't see them.  Leaves on the ground?  I'll get to them later.  Diet, oh hell, I'll get to it Monday.
Then I'm reminded.  I have to deal with the reality.  Dr. Visits coming up.  Got to fill out more forms than when purchasing a house.  Have to plan my I even want the answers?
Gotta check the box marked cancer.  Makes me feel weird.
I'm really lucky as my cancer is seriously not bad.  Stage 1a Uterine cancer can be cut out and be done with.  Sometimes it is a little more complicated and decisions have to be made.  In my case I may have to have (ok reality check)...will have to have radiation.  I'll find more about that next week.
Family is bugging me to make sure I make my appointments.  I don't want to be bugged.  I like feeling great and not thinking about it.

I've been living a life that makes me sick.  Not everything, but I've got to change and clean up my pond.  In some ways I feel the Party's over.  Never thinking about my behavior has been fun.  Thinking about change makes me feel less fun.  Much of what I perceive as fun is associated with food (and sometimes drink...but generally food).  This has to change.

Although not thinking about my behavior is easy, never thinking about my behavior has consequences.  Things for me are changing.  I'm looking at the world around me and seeing how I can change my lifestyle to give myself a better chance at a healthier life.

I'm already up and out walking the dogs.  Working my way up to 4-6 miles.  I'd like to be walking six miles  and the Mt. Madonna loop by February 15.  That's 10 weeks.  I'll get there.

Changing eating habits.  I was doing so well right after surgery.  Then, I started making bad choices.  I noticed that hard won 15 pounds was slowly disappearing.  A good kick in the arse by a friend and I created a food plan.  Part of that plan is joining weight watchers.  The accountability is what I need.  I know how to eat, I just don't want to.  Specific things I'm doing:
  • Cooking - it is easy for me to go purchase food and eat it.  But I am making a commitment to cooking my own meals.  The results are astounding.  Food is really delicious.  I have some challenges coming up with the holidays.  But I'm up with it. 
  • Not eating out - I can eat out a bunch.  Love to go and have lunch with my husband.  Not doing it right now.  I can have a meal out once in a while, but honestly I have to choose better.  When I do eat out, I will have a plan before so I make good choices.
  • Measuring and documenting - I am tracking everything on my IPhone.  Making choices that keep my calories at a minimum.  Not eating anything I can't track.
  • Beef - giving it up.  One of my true weaknesses.  When it comes to beef, I don't believe in lean.  I love a good fatty rib eye.  I'm leaving the cows alone.
  • Organic - I am choosing organics when available to me.
So in a way life is better than it has ever been.  It is also harder.  Waking up with bright thoughts.  Waking up knowing that I have to follow my eating and exercise plan is hard.  Sometimes it is day by day...sometimes it is hour by hour. 

I am confident that I'll get it done.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

The More I know, the Less I Know...

Today the blog-o-sphere is talking about continuing education.  Read more about it here:

I remember long ago when I knew it all.  When I was a teen, I told my mom all the time that I knew  so much more than she did and felt the master of my universe.  Those were the good old days.  Now I look at things differently.  Knowledge has opened up the wide universe to me and I begin to comprehend how much I do not know.  It is intimidating.
In an effort to make myself a better person I seek information about things.  I like to learn things and in learning things I open myself up to understanding that the more I know the less I know.  Those scales will never be balanced because there is always more to know. 
As I look at my dog training and agility life, I am interested to know how to train better.  There are many resources available online now, it is a very exciting time.  In my endeavor to make my dogs more competitive, I seek the next topic that might help me with my current dogs or even future dogs.

Fin is trained.  However, I still need to fix her contacts and as I watch my videos with her, I can see that I can work on tight turns.  Also, teaching her some new moves to help me get where I need to be is a possibility.  Learning more is exciting.

Olive is not trained.  She has opened up my knowledge to learning to work on Terrier time.  I find myself looking for classes and/or reading books on motivation and drive.  I spend time with her differently than I spend with Fin.  With Olive we are building a love for the sport and tight turns are not really important.

Is Vici Trained?  For my handling, I am constantly looking at how I can improve.  I often watch my video or look at a photo and ask myself, "what in the heck was I thinking?"

All in all, for me continuing education is what makes this sport so rewarding.  It is because no one has all the answers, that finding the answers makes it much more interesting then if I trained my dogs and we worked like clockwork. 

That said, sometimes it is difficult to find the learning resources that can help in expanding our knowledge.  Two of my favorite resources are Denise Fenzi and Susan Garrett.  I truly appreciate the information they provide and the biggest difficulty I find is finding the time to take all the information in.