Friday, September 14, 2018
Lots has happened in the past two years. Life has changed considerably. My last post, "I deserve this hill!" was one I try to remember every day. I still struggle with the fight against my emotions and eating and once again I find myself on the journey to live a life I want to live and not the life that food has created for me.
I am working on a low carb diet. Toying with Keto. Trying to balance my veggies/fruits with some protein. Loving that I can eat as much avocado as I want, but really missing the "crunch". Getting back into exercising and want to start hiking again.
Loss and sadness have a way to get you off course and I believe that is what happened in 2016. I still miss that existence of feeling powerful after fighting cancer and hopeful for the future of my life. But circumstance change and the only thing I can control is how I respond to those circumstances. Today I'm taking a stand and working towards that healthier life I crave.
I've been 27 days free of sugar. No added sugar to my diet. 21 days free of eating bread, rice, or potato. No tortilla chips (I miss them), potato chips, or crackers. In a way it's been easy. Just say no. In a way it's been hard. It's a slippery slope out there and I'm trying to stay above the slope line.
Getting back to working on the treadmill and continue to walk the pups. Ahh...changes there too. Olive is living in Canada. She just didn't respond well to the changes (me moving and going to a job 12 hours a day). She simply wasn't happy and I couldn't have that. I miss her every day but I can't thank her new mom enough for taking on my white angel of death and giving her the chance to have a life she wants. Believe me when I say she is enjoying Canada and her life up there.
I lost Tazz last Christmas to bladder cancer. Fin and I were pretty lonely... but surprize, we have Joy in our little family. I needed some Joy in my life and she is a spark of sunshine every day. She is learning her agilities and is a delight.
I'll be checking in here to discuss my progress, but so far so good. Looking forward to a great end to 2018 and a undeniably awesome 2019.
Monday, September 12, 2016
The hike I took was a little longer and had a few more hills than I am used too.
Usually when I hike up hill I blame myself for my difficulty. While going up the hill I tell myself that the reason I’m struggling is because of what I did to my body. The reason I’m struggling is because I’ve eaten foods that weigh me down. Basically negative talking, berating myself and making the struggle even worse. To the point I just want to give up….and then I’m negative talking about how I’m a quitter. And so on for the entire hill. It is torture.
Today I hit the hills and I found myself thinking different thoughts. The hills were hard. I had to stop a couple times. But I found my self-talk congratulating myself. Instead of saying what I terrible person I was, I was saying get that hill. You deserve this hill. This hill is your reward. It was really weird.
Crazy, I know. But it is the truth. Something is shifting within me. It is another result of eating healthy I think. A result of a more healthier diet is that I am kinder to myself.
You guys know me as an optimist. What you don’t know is that I also suffer from depression just like everyone. I just mask it (or if you look at me I don’t mask it at all). Food in general has been for me a way to console myself. I’m an alone eater. A hoarder of food. A eater of large quantities. A person that dreams of being slimmer but doesn’t act on that dream. A person that forgets that dream for a few minutes of comfort reading a book and putting food in my mouth.
Today, however, I’m changing the person I am. Today I’m a person that puts my long term goals first. Today I’m a person that sees a reality of a future that isn’t weighed down by my weight. A future that I’m not afraid of trying new things and a future that my weight won't prevent me from doing things I’d like to try.
This doesn’t mean I won’t forget. This doesn’t mean I won’t have a vacation and not indulge a little. What this means is I don’t want to be the old Vici. I want for myself a life free of the requirements of an addict. And yes, I am an addict. An addict to behaviors that are destructive to myself.
If people can say no to heroin. I can say no to eating McDonalds in my car for a few minutes of enjoyment. Yesterday, I found myself on the coast and I hadn’t planned on being gone so long and didn’t bring any food. I thought I could just stop and eat mexican. How bad would it be? Instead I stopped at a fruit stand. I got strawberries, plums, english peas, and string beans. I munched on that healthy food as I drove and felt full and happy to be doing something good for myself. What a treat. When I got home, I didn’t feel deprived of not eating french fries. I honestly felt good.
We’ve got 18 days left in this month. Make each of these days count!!!
Tuesday, September 6, 2016
Today I walked into the garage and something scurried. Yikes. I decided it was my imagination. Went to the dentist (on my list of todos that I hate). Stopped by the store. Drove back into the garage and closed the door. Something definitely was in the garage. I hate it when this happens.
So, I brought in the expert. I figured I needed her to tell me whether or not I was imagining things. What transpired was a great deal of searching, then cornering, then barking, then screaming (I did not know that rats screamed…there would be bark, bark, bark, then screeeeeeeeeeeam), then me picking up Olive and running into the house. I did not have the heart to help her get into the corner to kill the rat. What I did do Is open the garage about 3 inches and wait.
An hour later, I took my expert to the garage and she searched and told me that the little rat had moved. She was really searching, but didn’t find it…the movement was in the direction of the open door.
Two hours later, she was more interested in the ball then the garage. Whew….a nice happy ending.
So what does this have to do with attention to detail. Well my friends, often when I don’t want to deal with something, I ignore it. That rat running wasn’t a rat. Just my imagination. Maybe even forget about it. Did I really eat so much while I was cooking. Was that snack really that fatty? How many nuts did I actually eat…I didn’t eat that whole bag….some must have fallen out.
If you find yourself stuck, you might want to pay more attention to the foods you are putting into your body. It might be that you are not paying attention enough. I know that I simply forget about food I eat sometimes. Also change it up. Add more veggies and variety to the meals you eat. sometimes the change up gets your body in that weight loss mode again.
So, don’t ignore the rat in the garage. Notice the things that are happening and face up to it. Olive can’t help us with our diets, only rats.
Monday, September 5, 2016
So a friend of mine stopped me this weekend at the agility trial. Out of the blue she said to me, “Vici, someone said something to me that totally made a shift in my thinking. He said if we substitute appreciation for expectation, it makes a big difference.”
That thought has stayed with me. I’m often at odds with my expectations and gratitude. I find myself disappointed in myself. I become disappointed in people when they don’t live up to my expectations.
I’m often not fair to myself or others when expectations aren’t met.
My new thing is going to be when I find myself having these expectations (real or imagined), I’m going to work hard to change that expectation to appreciation.
Today I looked at my photo of me and Fin on the podium. I expected to see me looking thinner and honestly was so freak’n disappointed that I didn’t look that good. Instead of dwelling on that, I want to say that I am grateful to be there, I am appreciative I could share it with my friends, and gosh darn it, I got down on one knee and then got back up without help and making an embarrassing scene….my exercise is working.
I am incredibly grateful for my life. Even on the tough days. I am grateful that I have friends and family that I can depend on. I’m truly grateful for the gifts of companionship that I have. Today I’m most grateful that I’ve been able to make a shift in my thinking about how I eat to enable me to follow an eating plan that is working.
I’m out of my Friday funk. Olive was awesome this weekend giving me really great attention and focus. Fin was the bomb and I even danced Sunday night. Humor, laughter, and good friends.
Tomorrow, up early for a walk. I’m exhausted!
We are on day 5 of our month of September! 100% tracking so far. What are you doing to make your September a success. What are you grateful for?
Friday, September 2, 2016
I feel fat today. Not sure why. Doing what I need to do. Was really hard to get my steps in even though I was out setting up for agility. Body not feeling sprite and light. Body is feeling sore and tired.
Sometimes the day just doesn’t go as planned. Or even the planned day doesn’t live up to expectations. What has to happen is I have to move past it and keep plugging away. Take Advil and know that the aches and pains are a part of life.
Most importantly: Don’t let other people determine how I am going to respond to their behavior.
Long term goals. What are they? How do we meet them? By not giving up what I want long term for what I want today. Today I was able to fight my evil demons that wanted me to give in to my dark thoughts. Tomorrow I will wake up feeling refreshed and enjoy a wonderful day with friends and my dogs!
How about you? What do you do when the day just brings you down? How do you respond?
I’m thinking of each of you every day and the fact you are out there struggling along with me makes me stronger.
Suck it up Buttercup is my motto and I’m going to live it.
Thursday, September 1, 2016
I ended my month with a BANG! lost 2.8 pounds this week! That brings my total for when I started July 30 to 17.6. Although I wish it were more, I can’t believe that I have turned this corner and am committed to the behavior change that is creating a better me.
Today is the first of the month. Weigh yourself today or tomorrow morning. Write down that weight. We are starting fresh.
I commit to tracking my food every day for the Month of September. It is only 30 days. I can do this.
I commit to 12000 steps 5 days of the week for the Month of September. It is only 30 days. I can do this.
I commit to dragging my butt to a gym and find out about joining (at least trying the gym out for free). It is only a gym. I can do this
What are you committing to for this month? Think about what you can do to make this journey more accountable. You don’t have to do the weight watchers app. There are plenty of free ones for your phone:
- MyPlate calorie tracker
- Loose it!!!
I know that accountability is hard. I know that having to write everything down is a pain. I also know that because I’m writing everything down, I am accountable to myself for the results that I attain.
Contemplate. New month. New goals. Or the same goals.
I know it isn’t about the number. But actually it is about the number. I want that number to be less! It is our choice to make that number less than it is today.
Wednesday, August 31, 2016
Here we go. Tomorrow September one starts a new day. Finish today strong!!!
Today I'm tracking my food like a rockstar!!! I'm adding tons of veggies to my food plan so that I am completely full. Yesterday I ate so many veggies for lunch I couldn't finish it. Whoa!!!! When is the last time that happened? I do not know. (I bet if lunch was french fries I could'a ate the entire plate...but veggies, well when I get full, I get full.)
Tomorrow I am starting off early taking a walk along a nice trail and headed to weight watchers for my meeting. I really don't expect a huge loss. I've been the same pretty much every day this week. But there will be something there. I know I'm doing well because I actually wore jeans and a really nice shirt to my meeting today. Haven't been able to button that shirt since I purchased it. Yes, the jeans were a little tight, but heck, I wore them and didn't feel uncomfortable at all!
So the month of September. A new start. The weigh in tomorrow will be my starting weight. Then we will see what can happen in a month.
Life is good, tremendously complicated and fraught with emotion, but good.