Things have changed...yet they remain the same.

Damn Cancer

I feel normal most of the time.  Just a regular Joe.  It is easy to not think about...just like with any problem.  Dust Bunnies?  Nope I don't see them.  Leaves on the ground?  I'll get to them later.  Diet, oh hell, I'll get to it Monday.

 

Then I'm reminded.  I have to deal with the reality.  Dr. Visits coming up.  Got to fill out more forms than when purchasing a house.  Have to plan my questions...do I even want the answers?

 

Gotta check the box marked cancer.  Makes me feel weird.

 

I'm really lucky as my cancer is seriously not bad.  Stage 1a Uterine cancer can be cut out and be done with.  Sometimes it is a little more complicated and decisions have to be made.  In my case I may have to have (ok reality check)...will have to have radiation.  I'll find more about that next week.

 

Family is bugging me to make sure I make my appointments.  I don't want to be bugged.  I like feeling great and not thinking about it.

 



I've been living a life that makes me sick.  Not everything, but I've got to change and clean up my pond.  In some ways I feel the Party's over.  Never thinking about my behavior has been fun.  Thinking about change makes me feel less fun.  Much of what I perceive as fun is associated with food (and sometimes drink...but generally food).  This has to change.



Although not thinking about my behavior is easy, never thinking about my behavior has consequences.  Things for me are changing.  I'm looking at the world around me and seeing how I can change my lifestyle to give myself a better chance at a healthier life.

I'm already up and out walking the dogs.  Working my way up to 4-6 miles.  I'd like to be walking six miles  and the Mt. Madonna loop by February 15.  That's 10 weeks.  I'll get there.

 

Changing eating habits.  I was doing so well right after surgery.  Then, I started making bad choices.  I noticed that hard won 15 pounds was slowly disappearing.  A good kick in the arse by a friend and I created a food plan.  Part of that plan is joining weight watchers.  The accountability is what I need.  I know how to eat, I just don't want to.  Specific things I'm doing:

• Cooking - it is easy for me to go purchase food and eat it.  But I am making a commitment to cooking my own meals.  The results are astounding.  Food is really delicious.  I have some challenges coming up with the holidays.  But I'm up with it. 
• Not eating out - I can eat out a bunch.  Love to go and have lunch with my husband.  Not doing it right now.  I can have a meal out once in a while, but honestly I have to choose better.  When I do eat out, I will have a plan before so I make good choices.
• Measuring and documenting - I am tracking everything on my IPhone.  Making choices that keep my calories at a minimum.  Not eating anything I can't track.
• Beef - giving it up.  One of my true weaknesses.  When it comes to beef, I don't believe in lean.  I love a good fatty rib eye.  I'm leaving the cows alone.
• Organic - I am choosing organics when available to me.

So in a way life is better than it has ever been.  It is also harder.  Waking up with bright thoughts.  Waking up knowing that I have to follow my eating and exercise plan is hard.  Sometimes it is day by day...sometimes it is hour by hour. 

I am confident that I'll get it done.