I deserve this hill - Monday

Today I took a little longer hike than usual.  Thinking I had a contract that would start today, I didn’t have anything on the calendar except hike.  My hiking buddy woke up sick so I was on my own.  It would have been easy to not go…I almost just sat at my desk instead.  Then something inside me said, “GO!” 

The hike I took was a little longer and had a few more hills than I am used too.  



Usually when I hike up hill I blame myself for my difficulty.  While going up the hill I tell myself that the reason I’m struggling is because of what I did to my body.  The reason I’m struggling is because I’ve eaten foods that weigh me down.  Basically negative talking, berating myself and making the struggle even worse.  To the point I just want to give up….and then I’m negative talking about how I’m a quitter. And so on for the entire hill.  It is torture.

Today I hit the hills and I found myself thinking different thoughts.  The hills were hard.  I had to stop a couple times.  But I found my self-talk congratulating myself. Instead of saying what I terrible person I was, I was saying get that hill.  You deserve this hill.  This hill is your reward.  It was really weird.

Crazy, I know.  But it is the truth.  Something is shifting within me.  It is another result of eating healthy I think.  A result of a more healthier diet is that I am kinder to myself.

You guys know me as an optimist.  What you don’t know is that I also suffer from depression just like everyone.  I just mask it (or if you look at me I don’t mask it at all).  Food in general has been for me a way to console myself.  I’m an alone eater.  A hoarder of food.  A eater of large quantities.  A person that dreams of being slimmer but doesn’t act on that dream.  A person that forgets that dream for a few minutes of comfort reading a book and putting food in my mouth.

Today, however, I’m changing the person I am.  Today I’m a person that puts my long term goals first.  Today I’m a person that sees a reality of a future that isn’t weighed down by my weight.  A future that I’m not afraid of trying new things and a future that my weight won't prevent me from doing things I’d like to try.

This doesn’t mean I won’t forget.  This doesn’t mean I won’t have a vacation and not indulge a little.  What this means is I don’t want to be the old Vici.  I want for myself a life free of the requirements of an addict.  And yes, I am an addict.  An addict to behaviors that are destructive to myself.  

If people can say no to heroin.  I can say no to eating McDonalds in my car for a few minutes of enjoyment.  Yesterday, I found myself on the coast and I hadn’t planned on being gone so long and didn’t bring any food.  I thought I could just stop and eat mexican.  How bad would it be?  Instead I stopped at a fruit stand.  I got strawberries, plums, english peas, and string beans.  I munched on that healthy food as I drove and felt full and happy to be doing something good for myself.  What a treat. When I got home, I didn’t feel deprived of not eating french fries.  I honestly felt good.

We’ve got 18 days left in this month.  Make each of these days count!!!

Attention to Detail Wednesday

Today I walked into the garage and something scurried.  Yikes.  I decided it was my imagination.  Went to the dentist (on my list of todos that I hate).  Stopped by the store.  Drove back into the garage and closed the door.  Something definitely was in the garage.  I hate it when this happens.  

So, I brought in the expert.  I figured I needed her to tell me whether or not I was imagining things.  What transpired was a great deal of searching, then cornering, then barking, then screaming (I did not know that rats screamed…there would be bark, bark, bark, then screeeeeeeeeeeam), then me picking up Olive and running into the house.  I did not have the heart to help her get into the corner to kill the rat.  What I did do Is open the garage about 3 inches and wait.

An hour later, I took my expert to the garage and she searched and told me that the little rat had moved.  She was really searching, but didn’t find it…the movement was in the direction of the open door.

Two hours later, she was more interested in the ball then the garage.  Whew….a nice happy ending.

So what does this have to do with attention to detail.  Well my friends, often when I don’t want to deal with something, I ignore it. That rat running wasn’t a rat.  Just my imagination.   Maybe even forget about it.  Did I really eat so much while I was cooking.  Was that snack really that fatty?  How many nuts did I actually eat…I didn’t eat that whole bag….some must have fallen out.  

If you find yourself stuck, you might want to pay more attention to the foods you are putting into your body.  It might be that you are not paying attention enough.  I know that I simply forget about food I eat sometimes.  Also change it up.  Add more veggies and variety to the meals you eat.  sometimes the change up gets your body in that weight loss mode again.

So, don’t ignore the rat in the garage.  Notice the things that are happening and face up to it.  Olive can’t help us with our diets, only rats.

Appreciation Tuesday

So a friend of mine stopped me this weekend at the agility trial.  Out of the blue she said to me, “Vici, someone said something to me that totally made a shift in my thinking.  He said if we substitute appreciation for expectation, it makes a big difference.”

That thought has stayed with me.  I’m often at odds with my expectations and gratitude.  I find myself disappointed in myself.  I become disappointed in people when they don’t live up to my expectations.  

I’m often not fair to myself or others when expectations aren’t met.

My new thing is going to be when I find myself having these expectations (real or imagined), I’m going to work hard to change that expectation to appreciation.  

Today I looked at my photo of me and Fin on the podium.  I expected to see me looking thinner and honestly was so freak’n disappointed that I didn’t look that good.  Instead of dwelling on that, I want to say that I am grateful to be there, I am appreciative I could share it with my friends, and gosh darn it, I got down on one knee and then got back up without help and making an embarrassing scene….my exercise is working.

I am incredibly grateful for my life.  Even on the tough days.  I am grateful that I have friends and family that I can depend on.  I’m truly grateful for the gifts of companionship that I have.  Today I’m most grateful that I’ve been able to make a shift in my thinking about how I eat to enable me to follow an eating plan that is working.  

I’m out of my Friday funk.  Olive was awesome this weekend giving me really great attention and focus.  Fin was the bomb and I even danced Sunday night.  Humor, laughter, and good friends.  

Tomorrow, up early for a walk.  I’m exhausted!

We are on day 5 of our month of September!  100% tracking so far.  What are you doing to make your September a success.  What are you grateful for?

Not Making Headway Friday

I feel fat today.  Not sure why.  Doing what I need to do.  Was really hard to get my steps in even though I was out setting up for agility.  Body not feeling sprite and light.  Body is feeling sore and tired.

Sometimes the day just doesn’t go as planned.  Or even the planned day doesn’t live up to expectations.  What has to happen is I have to move past it and keep plugging away.  Take Advil and know that the aches and pains are a part of life. 

Most importantly:  Don’t let other people determine how I am going to respond to their behavior.

Long term goals.  What are they?  How do we meet them?  By not giving up what I want long term for what I want today.  Today I was able to fight my evil demons that wanted me to give in to my dark thoughts.  Tomorrow I will wake up feeling refreshed and enjoy a wonderful day with friends and my dogs!  

How about you?  What do you do when the day just brings you down?  How do you respond?

I’m thinking of each of you every day and the fact you are out there struggling along with me makes me stronger.  

Suck it up Buttercup is my motto and I’m going to live it.

Re-Committement Thursday

I ended my month with a BANG! lost 2.8 pounds this week!  That brings my total for when I started July 30 to 17.6.  Although I wish it were more, I can’t believe that I have turned this corner and am committed to the behavior change that is creating a better me.

Today is the first of the month.  Weigh yourself today or tomorrow morning.  Write down that weight.  We are starting fresh.  

I commit to tracking my food every day for the Month of September.    It is only 30 days.  I can do this.

I commit to 12000 steps 5 days of the week for the Month of September.  It is only 30 days.  I can do this.

I commit to dragging my butt to a gym and find out about joining (at least trying the gym out for free).  It is only a gym.  I can do this

What are you committing to for this month?  Think about what you can do to make this journey more accountable. You don’t have to do the weight watchers app.  There are plenty of free ones for your phone:

• Myfitnesspal.  
• MyPlate calorie tracker
• Loose it!!!

I know that accountability is hard.  I know that having to write everything down is a pain.  I also know that because I’m writing everything down, I am accountable to myself for the results that I attain.

Contemplate.  New month.  New goals.  Or the same goals.  

I know it isn’t about the number.  But actually it is about the number.  I want that number to be less!  It is our choice to make that number less than it is today.  

Good luck!

Last Day of the Month Wednesday!

Here we go.  Tomorrow September one starts a new day.  Finish today strong!!!  

Today I'm tracking my food like a rockstar!!!  I'm adding tons of veggies to my food plan so that I am completely full.  Yesterday I ate so many veggies for lunch I couldn't finish it.  Whoa!!!!  When is the last time that happened?  I do not know. (I bet if lunch was french fries I could'a ate the entire plate...but veggies, well when I get full, I get full.)

Tomorrow I am starting off early taking a walk along a nice trail and headed to weight watchers for my meeting.  I really don't expect a huge loss. I've been the same pretty much every day this week.  But there will be something there.  I know I'm doing well because I actually wore jeans and a really nice shirt to my meeting today.  Haven't been able to button that shirt since I purchased it.  Yes, the jeans were a little tight, but heck, I wore them and didn't feel uncomfortable at all! 

So the month of September.  A new start.  The weigh in tomorrow will be my starting weight.  Then we will see what can happen in a month. 

Life is good, tremendously complicated and fraught with emotion, but good.

New Start Tuesday

I was headed up the hill for agility class and chatting with Laura.  I proudly commented that I was on day 31 and looking forward to day 60.  During this time, I was mentioning that I wanted to up-the-anti on my weight loss next month.  This month was about planning and tracking.  Being accountable.  I’ve been 100% accountable even when I stretched the limits of what I should eat a little.  I still wrote it down.

I want to keep my accountability, but I feel like I’m ready to add a new dimension.  I feel like I need to up my exercise next.  Just get out more.  Train a little harder.  I’m pretty overweight so I can’t get crazy.  Don’t want to injure myself.  But I do want to increase my metabolism a bit and start to get stronger.

Then the idea hit both of us.  Why not reset September 1 and start fresh.  Rather than day 33, September 1 will be day 1.  So instead of trucking along, I’m starting a whole new month.  Going to rock this month!!!

I’m recommending that you start fresh September 1.  Put last month behind you on Thursday.  Celebrate it, but It is in the past.  Fresh start Thursday as we are setting the clocks anew.  No more trudging along….leave that to later in the month.  September 1 is exciting, it is new, it is a chance to improve.

Now don’t go crazy on me.  The old Vici would say…well, I should have potato chips to celebrate and restart on Thurs.  NOOOOOOOO!  We have to finish this month strong!  Do good meal planning to end out the month heading to ONEderland.  We all want to be there.  Let’s get it done.

Then onThursday, what are you doing to start your new month out right?  Pick one thing that you will add to help you reach your long term goals.  For me, here’s what I’m doing in September:

• Committing to 12000 steps a day.  Each day.  Not average.  Right now I’m averaging just about 12000, but my weekends are making up for the weekdays I’m not getting there.  I am doing it.  12000 steps a day.
• Joining a gym.  I need to get on the treadmill and do interval training.  Absolutely need to do that.  Joining the gym and committing to 2 times a week in September.
• Doing something for myself.  Going to a new art class (glass fusing) in September.  Something just for me.  Truly looking forward to it.

So, end this month strong and reset the clock Thursday morning.  We are going to truly Rock this month.

Lastly, I have to talk about my lunch.  OMG!  It was fabulous.

Hot pan, spray with Pam.

• crumbled cauliflower
• mushrooms
• onion
• bell pepper
• garlic
• salt and pepper

Saute

Microwave small bag of noodles (ramin) do not use seasoning packet (sugar)

Once veggies are nicely cooked add 1/2 pack ramin noodle and 1/2 tablespoon of your favorite sauce..I used Korean BBQ.

Stir and set aside.

Make meat or fish (I used pork) I pan cooked (with 1/2 tbsp Korean BBQ) using pam for sear then steamed with water.

Mix in some shredded cabbage to veggie mix.  Put in bowel, top with meat and enjoy.  I could not eat it all and am VERY full!  Yum.

Great Expectations Monday

Well it is Monday.  Last night I had a dream where I was looking at myself in the mirror and saw ribs.  It was sorta like that selfie shot you sometimes see on FaceBook where someone is showing their abs, but it was from the side.  I could see my ribs and as I looked it seemed I was getting smaller and smaller.  It was a nice dream.

I don’t know about you, but I have expectations.  Expectations that often aren’t met.  I’m still wondering how after all this work and 30 days of food management I still look fat in my videos.  I guess my expectations are very high.

A few things I have to remember:

• No one said as I gained weight: “OMG you are getting so fat!”  I have to remember it takes time to show on the outside.
• It is already showing on the inside.  I am a healthier person.  Much healthier.  I ran better this weekend.  Yes I pooped out at the end of the day.  Yes I’m feeling that my legs and feet and knees are burning up, but gosh darn it, I had so much more energy this weekend then in the past month.
• Time.  It just keeps ticking.  30 days ago I decided that I was done being fat.  That doesn’t make me instantly a thin person…even though that’s what I really want.  It takes time.  I could be the same or more today, yet I’m not.  30 days from now I’ll not be the same as I am today.  Time just continues and I have the power to change who I am and it only is time.  The trick is, that time happens whether I use it wisely or not.
• Earning it.  I feel I have to earn this weight loss and fitness.  It was me who got me into this black pit of unhealthy behavior.  It is me that is going to get out of it.

So I’m learning to manage my expectations and match my expectations to my output.  I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t have the most high expectations of myself, but rather than getting mad and focusing on the negative of expectations not met, I am measuring my expectations to what is actually possible and still reaching for the stars, but accepting my earthly foothold.

So work on reviewing your expectations today.  Make sure you are not setting yourself up for disappointment.  Manage your expectations to balance with real possibilities.

Sunshine Saturday

I'm just plugging away at life and my diet.  Wore a top I haven't worn in ages and feel pretty confident.  

Find something to be happy about today!  Stay focused and we will live happy lives!

Congrats on the accomplishments!!  

Today I hit 17 pounds!!!!!  Now to keep it up.

Carbohydrate Friday

Weight loss for me is less about what I’m eating and more about the why and how I’m eating.  I’m changing the how and why I eat even more than what I eat.

Of course there are foods I no longer eat because I feel those foods are my gateway foods (potato chips, fast food). But it is less about that food than how and why I eat that food (binge eat - eat the whole large bag of chips while driving/watcing TV/on the computer….get fast food in the car and eat while driving).  

AT the camping trip I ate garlic bread.  OMG it was so good.  So I made a salad and grilled chicken (everyone else ate pasta and meatballs).  Then in front of everyone I put one small piece of garlic bread on my plate.  I waited for everyone to say, “WTF!  You are NOT going to eat that”  While their plates where piled high.  But no one said anything.  I enjoyed that garlic bread so much I went back and had another (with some veggies of course).  Then I went and started clean up and had two more where no one was watching.  Those are the ones that I regret.  If I could have stopped at the pieces I ate with everyone…but no.  It was my guilty pleasure rather than just my meal and I hid the fact that I ate more from everyone….old behaviors….not the new me.

I believe we have to eat carbohydrates to be able to lose and maintain that loss.  But they need to be part of the food plan.  Many foods have carbs in them (veggies/breads/rice/potatoes).  It is how I incorporate those foods into my diet that will lead to success.  

So what Carbs don’t I eat right now?  Fried carbs - just gotta stay away from breaded/fried foods, fried potatoes (chips and fries).  I also try to select carbs that are better for me and eat them as part of a food plan rather than plan the meal around my carb.  I tend to eat more fried carbs…put a pile of french fries and a a pile of celery sticks.  I could probably eat 2 celery sticks…while I’d eat the entire pile of fries.

For my Mexican flavored meals (tacos, burrito, etc)  I choose corn tortilla over Flour.
For my tuna sandwich, I have my english muffin, sometimes I have the sour dough but sometimes I have the whole wheat.

Everyday I have carbs in my eating plan.  I just make sure that I’m not falling into the old behaviors and making poor decisions.

We are in it for the long haul.  Too much sacrifice will undermine our ability to do it for a long time.  Remember, it isn’t just about the loss.  It is about the maintenance of that loss and our ability to sustain behaviors over the long haul.  I don’t know about you, but I will eat cake sometime along my journey.  I’m going to drink alcohol. I want to feel I deserve these things rather than feel that they are a guilty pleasure.  I’m not eating cake or drinking wine right now….right now I’m in loss mode and understand I’m about the number…but what I want to do is put behaviors in place that are sustainable so that I have the tools to maintain my weight loss a year from now when I’m wearing smaller cloths and thinking I got this……. 

I do not want to gain the weight back and I will if I don’t create a lifestyle of sustainability.  This is why I have not maintained my weight loss in the past.  I’ve never really dealt with the why and how.  I’ve only dealt with the what.

So do plan a diet where carbs are part of it.  Just look at the how and why you are eating them to determine whether they are appropriate for your food plan.

Stats and Health Check Tuesday

Today I went in to my regular 3 month checkup with my Oncologist.  All clear!  So a couple things of note.  His scale was 20 pounds off!  In my favor.  I started laughing when I weighed in.  I knew what I weighed.  I weighed myself that morning. It made me giggle that that I could lose 20 pounds in the drive from my house to the Dr.s.  Also of note, my blood pressure was AWESOME.  Even with meds, my blood pressure hasn’t been that good.  110 over 75.  Really just about perfect.  The nurse and Dr. commented on it.

So let’s talk stats.  

• It is important to measure yourself.  I know, I know.  Don’t tell me your measurements.  But think about getting the tape measure out and noting it somewhere private.  I’m doing that.  Once a month pull it out and see where you are.  
• Health measure.  Make an appointment for a regular exam and get a baseline.  Then in 6 months do it again and see if things changed
• Mammogram.  Have you had your mammogram within the last year.  If not get that appointment as well.
• Colonoscopy.  Just do it if you haven’t.  I had mine last summer.
• Pelvic.  I get one every 3 months so I’m good.  What about you.  A pelvic saved my life.  
• Walking.  If you don’t have some device to measure you walks look around.  There are bunches of free apps for your phone.  One thing that is important with walking is that you increase your intensity or duration on an ongoing basis.  Having a device or app can help you increase your workouts slowly.  I’m thinking of getting the couch to 5K apple app.  

Hugs (how many calories is a hug?)

Back Home Tuesday

I really did a great job with the eating on the camping trip

Even brought my scale to weigh my proteins.  It was hard.  Very hard.  Food everywhere.  Drinks everywhere.  Loads of people having a great time snacking and drinking.

To be perfectly honest, there were times I just didn’t feel part of the group since what was bringing them together was booze and food.  

I just simply didn’t participate.  I’d get up and go take a walk, play with Olive, or find someone that didn’t want to drink and take a walk with them.  I did over do the walking a bit and am paying for it, but I’d rather do that then feel sorry for myself. My goal was 20,000 steps a day on the hike.  I hit 24,000 Sat,  27,000 Sun, and 22,000 today.  My fitbit was working overtime!!!

Tomorrow I have a 3 mile walk planned and I will stick to my food plan.  Have all I need to be one with my meal tracking and I’ll keep trucking along.  No matter what, if I keep doing this, I will see improvement.  The same for you.  Keep it up!

Off the Grid Saturday

I'm headed to Mt. Madonna for camping.  

Sometimes we are in situations that we can’t control everything.  I’m using this weekend as a great way to do what I’ve been practicing.  I’m bringing my scale so I can weigh my proteins.  I’ve got tons of fruit I’m brining.  I have a plan for lunches and breakfast.  I know what people are serving for dinners and I can pick and choose.  Laura says she is going to hike my ass off (I’ll admit, I’m scared).  

Stick to a healthy lifestyle and focus on how your behavior is helping you achieve your goals.

It's Closet Shopping Friday

This morning I tried on jeans I haven’t looked at in 6 months.  I put them on and didn’t have to lay on the bed to do so.  I’m actually sitting at my desk comfortably wearing them right now.  Ok, I’ll admit it, I’m also giggling and smiling.

I don’t know about you, but I get into clothing ruts.  I wear the same things because I know those things fit.  My closet if full of cloths but they didn’t fit so I ignore them.  I ignore them because I don’t want to face the fact that I can’t wear them.  

One of the cycles I get in is I lose weight and start to feel better and go online and purchase stuff that will fit as I lose weight.  Then I don’t stick to the program and that clothing item sits in my closet and is not looked at again.  Closet is full, but I’m hardly wearing anything in there.  

Instead of shopping online, I’m shopping in my closet!

What I’ve done is started a purging process (I have to so I can move…so there was motivation), but this purging has been incredibly freeing.  I have given away much of what has been taking space in my closet.  Things that don’t fit, I got big bins and labeled them by size and am ONLY keeping stuff I really love.  I have size 18 and size 16 bins. I have one shirt that is a size 8 that I absolutely LOVE so I’m keeping that one as a dream shirt.   Stuff that is left hanging and on the shelves is stuff either I wear every day or stuff that I almost can wear.  There is still a lot of cloths, and I think I need more purging, but at least I can see what I have now.

So this weekend, get in that closet of yours.  Start to organize your cloths.  Do a little shopping in there.  You might be really surprised at what you find.

Disappointment Thursday

How do you handle disappointment?

There comes a time in your journey where you will be disappointed.

I know for me this is very hard.  I want to go eat more to feel full and comforted. I want to have tequila without thinking about it.  But today I’m doing something different….or maybe the difference is I’m not doing something different.  I’m going to keep my menu planning going.  I’m going to continue to make choices that help me meet my end goal.    I will continue to drink water.  I will continue to see the good in things.

Life is full of disappointments.  I am going to acknowledge that I have disappointment in my life.  

Today how I am going to handle my disappointment is take a walk with some really awesome music. (after I finish entering all the entries for SMART!)

I know this Thursdays inspiration isn’t really inspiration.  But sometimes Life happens.  Sometimes getting through the mud that you are stuck in is inspiration enough :)

Hugs!

Fitness Wednesday

Even though I would like to think that if I change my eating habits, I will loose the weight, the reality is that physical movement is as important.  Think of doing something different today.  Walk around the block, go up and down stairs, something new.  

Today I'm meeting a friend for a walk.  

Hope you are having an awesome Wednesday!😎 Vici

Back at it...

Starting up today doing weight watchers.  I'm sick and tired of being this person that I've allowed myself to be.  I don't want to do surgery.  I don't want to do fads.  I'm doing behavioral change.  

I'm doing this for me.  I'm doing this for my dogs.  I'm doing this for my family.

I hope to find a couple people to participate in this journey with me.  Sorta not optimistic yet about my chances of success but I'm doing stuff this time I haven't done before.

Joining weight watcher and going to meetings.  Planning my menu and tracking it online.  

Doing it...rather than trying to do it.